Single Saturdays: In Da Club - Desi Boyz on the Dance Flo'!

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It's been a minute since we last talked about being single, and on a Saturday even. Which you could excuse me by saying that I was doing...ahem...research.

In Da Club
So you're all dressed up - you've got your gal pals, you've got your zingy dress on, your make up on, and most importantly, your groove going.

That makeup would not have made it to your doll face if it weren't for some club banging music blaring from your speakers into the eardrums of everyone in your neighborhood.

Why stop the party now? You and your squealing gang roll those wheels out to get your twerking bums to the nearest club with the best DJs in town. You show up in style, adding glamour and perfume to a place that we all knew would have become a sausage fest, if not for you and your gal gang.

 Now, if you are like our crazy gang, you're all probably dressed top to toe ready to pull out your best moves. Also, FYI, your Ray here can really throw down some serious moves, complete with pirouettes and of course, the running man.

Desi Boyz on the Dance Flo'

But let's talk about the buoizzz! Specifically, the Desi Boyz!

[Puts the nerdy glasses back on]

In my observations, based on the characteristics exhibited by the sample set, I have classified the male of the species into the following categories as shown by their behavior on the dance floor. Though the examiner (that's me!) has been aller en boîte 'round the world, these observations have been made in India...wonly.

The Show-off
  • Performs a complicated dance step while pointedly smiling at you which depending on the mood you are in could feel like a dance-off.
  • Often dances facing the DJ or for some strange reason, the bartender.
  • Has a tendency to request songs for the DJ to play, making it easy to justify the need for a protective layer of bouncers for the DJ.
  • Has perfected the finger gun which he repeatedly pulls out when he has finished doing a "fancy" dance step or routine.
The Broody
  • Stands near the bar or some conspicuously dark corner of the club and stares at you.
  • Is typically found drinking the same beer all night.
  • As the night wears on, the Broody performs moves across the dance floor to the other side of the club without actually dancing (or even pretending). He just walks real slow though the crowd, expressionless.
  • Is expressionless. Almost bored.
The Drunk
  • Uncertain if drunk on alcohol or music or both
  • Carries his drink to the dance floor and always spills it on the floor, most of it falls on your shoes.
  • Literally, steps on your toes.
  • Periodically shouts phrases like, "THIS IS AMAZING!", "BEST DJ EVER!", or "COME TO MY AFTERPARTY!"
  • Pretends to be friends with everyone.
  • Favorite dance step: B-boying with handstands. Usually fails.
Feeling Gay
  • Typically has the best dance moves
  • Usually knows the latest pop songs and sings along with you.
  • The most liked among the dancers
  • Complements and compliments you most effusively
The Group-er
  • Keeps trying to get people to do group dances together
  • Often found in the center of a loosely formed circle of people, mostly of women
  • If interested in you, will pull you away and try to teach you a dance step that a whole group of people must follow.
The Creeper
  • The slyest of the dancers
  • Quietly approaches you or your group and blends into the background.
  • While standing behind you, asks questions like, “Where do you live?”, “Where are you from?, “You are not from India!”, “Do you live alone?”, “You dance too good”
  • Likes to take selfies.
The Partner Dancer
  • Finds reasons to get real close to you or touch you...r waist
  • Often someone who has either started learning Salsa, wants to learn Salsa, or has been to a few Salsa socials.
  • Does Latin dance moves for Bollywood songs
  • Tries to act gallant and "asking for this dance".
  • Thinks the best partner dance move is to make you turn. If too excited to have a dance partner, tends to spin you repeatedly and without prompting.
  • Has watched too many romantic movies.

The Bar Hugger
  • Usually found at the bar, alternating between looking at the dance floor and ordering a drink
  • Dances in place at the bar.
  • Dance moves include, fist pumping, nodding head, holding up two fingers to order the next round.
  • Usually is on first-name basis with the bartender.
  • Always looks like he's holding the spot for someone.
  • Cradles the drink in his hands as though getting warmth from it.
  • Will only move aside from the spot at the bar for someone he's interested in.
  • Often starts a conversation with you by asking, "Can I buy you a drink?"
The Grinder
  • Probably the most annoying dancer on the flo'
  • Has only one dance move: grinding into you.
  • Understood the phrase "mating dance" a little too literally
  • Commonly found thrown out by bouncers
    The Yeller
    • Usually found near the loudest speakers in the club
    • Really wants to everyone
    • Targets your ear...always.
    The Gentleman
    • "Asks" for your hand to bring you closer to dance
    • Has standard two-step dance moves
    • Makes small talk while dancing with you, whether you can hear each other or not.
    • Will try to mirror your moves to let you take the lead when dancing
    • Is too cautious about not getting close to you.
    The Wingman
    • Dances with you, charms you, and then, literally, spins you into his friend’s arms, who explains was “originally” interested to ask you.
    • Typically part of a large group and approaches you only if you are also part of an equally large group.
    • Commonly associated with creating a growing dance circle that includes you and the “originally” interested friend.
    The Friendzoner
    • Dances with you to talk about someone in your group.
    • Loudly yells into your ear (See ‘The Yeller’ too) that he wants your friend’s phone number and if you could hook him up
    • Also loudly yells into your ear that he is “too shy” to talk to such a beautiful woman...your friend.
    • Beware - Will potentially follow you around the club
    The Protector
    • A modified version of The Gentleman, he is confident.
    • Performs standard two-step moves.
    • Is often blocking other people from getting close to you rather than focusing on dancing with you.
    The Butterfly
    • Has never been found to dance with one person.
    • Dances enthusiastically from one group to another.
    • If discovered near a couple, will excitedly inform them with two thumbs up that they should “carry on”
    • Always loves the DJ.
    [Taking off those glasses]

    You're welcome! ~Ray  

    Image credit: Andre Roberto