Conversation Openers that made me RME

Estimated Reading Time:
Sometimes I wonder if being single is a chemical thing. You know what I mean, right? Like, sometimes I look around to the person standing next to me to see if they are wearing a shirt that says "I am with Single". And, it says in fine print, "Creeps welcome"

If you have had those moments that are so awkward, you want to find a dark pit to throw them in it, don't worry girls, I got your back on this one.

If you feel that you have had the most awkward conversation ever,..I say to you - girl, puh-leeze! You haven't heard mine yet.

On this Single Saturday, I present to you awkward conversation openers that just made me roll my eyes.

I like big butts
That title got your attention, didn't it?

Well, this wasn't something someone walked up to me and said.


This guy got the DJ to play the Sir Mix-a-lot's Baby Got Back song and while it was playing, walked up to me and went, "That song's for you. Would you like to dance with me?"


The Indian Lady
So, I like museums. A lot.

Remember how I told you that I was in Ireland and I totally loved it there?

In one such museum in Ireland, there's a painting of an Indian lady from the time when Ireland co-existed with the British in India.

Well, some history is in order first.

There was a time when these Irish/British travelers would spend many months and years in India.

During this time, they would end up acquiring an Indian wife and/or mistress, even though they had had a wife in their home country. When they had to travel back to their respective home countries, they would get paintings commissioned of their Indian wife which they could place it in their home while they were away from India and their mistress (I'm sure they told their English/Irish wives that this was local art or a famous painting).

Coming back to my story.

I was aware that there was one patron of the museum who kept following me to the same exhibits and once in a while comment saying, "beautiful, isn't it?" To which I would nod and smile, and move on to the next one.

I like it when people appreciate somebody's I ain't gonna dis that.

Now, at some point, this guy was joined by some other friends of his, but I'd already moved on to the next big room which housed large gorgeous paintings and I was captivated by all of them.

At one point, I walked up to the painting titled 'An Indian Lady' and was focused on appreciating the details and the background imagery.

Suddenly, I hear a voice saying, "Now here's a beautiful Indian lady" Thinking it was going to get crowded, I turned to move away only to find this group staring at me and that guy indicating to me. Before I could understand what just happened, he smoothly says "not this beautiful lady. I meant this painting" and slickly pointed to the painting.

I raised one eyebrow, shook my head, and walked away.


We Should Be Together
Ever wondered if men can ever speak romantically?

Well, don't worry. Apparently, the popular "this love was made in heaven" jargon, coupled with those smoldering eyes and pouts of Bollywood heroes, has managed to infect quite a large number of the male populace.

It's fairly often that you would get to hear some cheesy dialogue from some famous Bollywood movie. I mean, if you are a girl in India, it's harder for you to get spicy food than hear a movie catchphrase!

But, let's talk about one such instance.

I was at an icecream place in Bombay that boasted of a unique method of processing their milk. After asking many questions, I made my choice and walked up to pay. I was at the cash register paying for my cup of icecream when I noticed that they'd opened up only the day before.

So, I congratulated the guy behind the counter. The guy standing next to him, who'd appeared to be playing on his phone earlier, looked up and introduced himself as the owner of that establishment. I politely congratulated him and told him that I quite liked the decor and I wish them luck.

Before I could exit the shop, the guy caught up to me and awkwardly said, "this might seem funny but you're the first customer to have congratulated me." The shop was overflowing with people, so I narrowed my eyes and looked skeptically at him. "No, seriously. I swear! Most people ask about the icecream and the process. That's it! And the price, of course." {nervous giggle}

He just stood there shifting his weight from one foot to the other. I realized with a start that he probably wanted me to congratulate him again. I did, adding that he'd done a good job. He beamed and said, "I knew it! You are perfect for me."

Not trying to jump to conclusions, I politely smiled and said "perfect for what?" "I was so sad yesterday. I mean, the icecream is doing very well...people are so rude...I told myself...I did...I said that I will....the first customer to congratulate know, family and friends don't must be a nice" deep breath, "we should be together".

Rolling. My. Eyes.

I was still trying to understand the scene while holding a melting cup of icecream. Seeing me speechless, he suddenly noticed my now-milkshake cup and said "Can I buy you an icecream at least?"

After all, there is an 'aww' in 'awkward'.

Ray, out! Peace!