Married Mondays and No-shave November

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It's December. I know that and you know that. Habibi does not know that. Well, he does. But he doesn't. #huh
Lemme tell you what's up. I've convinced him that no shave November actually happens in December. So for all intents and purposes, it's November. #workwithme #girlsgottadowhatagirlsgottado

Why all the 007 subterfuge?

If you know what song (that I modified) that is, hello we are now BFF's.
If you don't. Don't worry.... but seriously; get with it yo.
Lemme hook you up.

Thus, the subterfuge. I love beards and Habibi kinda does but kinda doesn't. So, to make him grow one, apart from hiding his trimmer and razor, I told him that in America you have to follow the law and no shave November is the law. #heehee #genius

He obviously saw through it, the man googled it #humph, but sweetheart that he is has decided to indulge me. #cuetheawws

Then we encountered some issues.

Problem #1: Style

How did I (yes I, not him) want the beard to look?

It's funny how they decided to use Channing Tatum's face for the picture but he looks the best clean shaven. #lmao #fail

I decided on Stubble (long) with a hint of Full Beard.

Problem #2: Achieving the aforementioned style

#pinterest I love you

Problem #3: My inability to stop looking at hot older men and their beards.

Problem #4: In my quest to get his beard to grow faster, I have been resorting to home-grown and store- bought remedies.

Remedy A:

  •  Mix egg white, olive oil and honey well to make the egg hair mask
  •  Apply this mask on your scalp. Cover your hair too 
  •  Let it sit there for about 15-20 minutes.
  •  Wash off with mild shampoo and water 

Don't do this one. I got in a lot of trouble for this one.

Punishment: Time-out was an exceptionally long 5 minutes.

Remedy B: 

'Eating a diet rich in protein and vital vitamins and minerals is an essential prerequisite to healthy hair growth. Opt for foods high in vitamins A, B, C, and E, iron, zinc, copper, magnesium, and selenium. Vitamin B-complex, in particular, is extremely important for making your hair grow faster.
So, include a variety of foods like milk, cheese, yogurt, chicken, eggs, whole grains, salmon, spinach, broccoli, bell peppers, cabbage, parsley, grapefruit, avocado, brown bread, oats, and alfalfa in your diet to nourish your hair and scalp. Plus, drink fresh fruit and vegetable juices, such as orange, grapefruit, carrot, beet, and lettuce juice.
Fish, flax seeds, walnuts, beans, winter squash, olive oil, and other foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids are also good for hair growth as about 3% of a hair shaft is made up of omega-3 fatty acids.' 
Do this. But don't think that mixing grapefruit, fish, lettuce juice and spinach together will taste good. Or smell good. 
Punishment: No internet for a day 
Remedy C: 
' Massage your scalp and flip your head upside down.' 
'This is one of the most popular tricks to promote faster hair growth. Just flip your hair upside down by flipping your head over for two to four minutes daily. It is believed to work by improving circulation.'
Do this. He'll fall asleep with a smile on his face and the worry lines erased off his forehead. Stop here. Don't slowly push his head off the bed so that it's hanging off the side of the bed. He'll wake up super startled and kinda piiiissed. 
Punishment:  Get swaddled and stay on my side of the bed for the rest of the night. 

I bought this for next time. #ofcoursetherewillbeanexttime

Remedy D:

I bought Rogaine

Punishment: Got my spending privileges taken away for a week.

Habibi threatened to buy a shaver and shave everything I worked so hard to grow if I didn't cease and desist with the assault and harrasement.
#geez  #calmdown #chillpill

I am now only allowed to measure the beard once a day, every morning for 5 minutes.
#sigh #i'lltakewhaticanget



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